Hard times

So things have been pretty crazy in my world lately. I have been completely scatterbrained for the last week or so. I found out that a childhood friend of mine that I've known since the 4th grade, Seth, passed away last week. Because I went to a really really small private Christian school, we were all very very close. I think there were 10 kids in the whole 7th and 8th grades. We were like a family and I feel like he was my brother.

Last Wednesday I myspaced my friend Jolynn, I was in the same class as her brother Chris who I was good friends with as well. I asked Jolynn if she was interested in hanging out that night and she told me that she was going to stay home because she was worried to leave Chris alone after he found out the news about Seth. I was like, what? What news? What happened to Seth? I didnt hear anything from her again and I had Mary Kay that night so I myspaced her again and told her to call me asap. So I thought maybe Seth was in a car accident or something not so good happened and that I would be able to go visit him in the hospital. Well, at the end of Mary Kay, I checked my phone and I had 2 missed calls and a text from my good friend Mercedes who also went to our school (her mom was the principal). I called back and she told me that Seth died...that he overdosed. I literally just froze. I couldnt believe what I was hearing. What do you mean he overdosed?? How could he overdose??? He wasnt into the drug scene? He moved back from Vegas to Phx to get his life back on track and stop drinking. What do you mean he overdosed? I had so many thoughts running through my head. She didnt have any other information. I looked over at my mom and busted into tears. I tried so hard not to but I couldnt help but cry. My friend was gone. So that night my phone was blowing up. I talked to my friend Jodi and she couldnt get over the shock of it all. Chris also called me. He told me that when he talked to Seths mom and sister and they said that he was stabbed and injected with a needle containing heroine that overdosed him. What??? I was beyond floored at this point! Someone murdered my friend! What a horrible way to die! Being stabbed with a needle full of heroine?!?! Who the heck does that!!! I didnt sleep for days. I cried so hard. I cried for the loss of my friend. I cried for the loss of a good person in society. I cried for his family. I cried for his friends. I cried because I wish I could have said goodbye. I cried....and cried...and cried.

I cant understand how something like this happens. This isnt supposed to happen to me. This isnt supposed to happen to someone I know and love! This isnt how I thought our lives would turn out! The viewing is today and I'm going after work. I wish I had someone to go with me. But I guess its okay to have a moment by myself. The funeral is tomorrow morning. Seth was such an advocate for having an Eastside reunion but everyones schedules were always too busy. Now we are finally having that reunion he always wanted...but its sad that it has to be on these terms. Our friend is gone. Our brother is gone.

God, help me to be strong....